Chris (snuglies87) wrote,

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Danger! Lots of whining involved...

I don't really know what I want from life.How I want it to be.What I want to reach.Where I want to go.
But I just feel like I'm stuck lately.
People around me are moving on.Are moving away.
To really cool & interesting places.Places which are far away & sound like fun.
All over Germany.
To take cool jobs.To gain new expieriences.To handle new situations.To grow.
And I'm stuck here...
With a work contract that expires in January.Which a job I actually love but which I'd like to quit before Christmas.Just because I want to spend 3 proper days of Christmas with my family again.And to spend New Years Eve with me bestie.And because the place I'm working at is just not pretty fascinating nor exciting anymore.I've been there for for almost 3 1/2 years now & I've seen it all.

Well one could say there's always something new & different in hotel business and/or a restaurant.
But it's still like I'm doing all the same.Day in,day out.
I wouldn't mind to continue working in a restaurant.
But I just want something new.

Shh,dont tell me now to just go & look for a new job!
I tried that.During the last,like what?! 3 month already?
Sometimes more,sometimes less,true.But I just had a look last night & there was only one,yes ONE job that sounded more or less appealing to me :/
I'll go to take some pictures which I need to apply,write my CV and a letter.Even tho it's not the kind of job which I really,really want...
Then again.
I guess I'm not even sure WHAT I want...*sighs*
Well,I kinda do.But life is no request programme and just because I'd love to do something I won't get it.
Yet I havn't got a clue how to achieve what I want.
How to work for and with the people I'd love to.
You know a job which involves sports event management.Or organisation.Anything that got to do with handball or football.Like working at a venue.For a team.Or something alike.
Jeez,that would make me utterly happy and all.
But it's unlikely to happen.
It's just so far away & something different from what I've learned during my apprenticeship.
As I said,I wouldn't mind to work in a restaurant or something alike for the next like 2 or 3 years.As long as it's a good one & work is interesting and kind of challenging,fine for me.

Another thing is like...
I'm not even sure wether I want to stay or to leave :/
Actually,I guess I'd to stay.At least for now.I'm just too afraid to let go of some people,I'm too attached to my family,home & friends and such.
I know it's not pretty helpful if I want to move on.And moving somewhere else would most definitely help me to grow up.To become more independent...
But I guess I won't dare to do that all on my own.
It's not even that I'm afraid of being all alone in another city.No family nor friends,nobody I know around.
Hell no,if that would be the case I wouldn't have travelled on my own all the time haha
But there's still a huge difference between travelling for a while & moving somewhere while like,forever.Or even just a little longer.
I just don't want to leave some things behind me.To let go of some habits.Some people.
Actually I'm kind of envious of people who will and can just leave everything behind to move somewhere.To take a new job at like the other end of the country.To study at the other end of the world.
It seems like they just don't worry as much as I do.
And it's not even like I'm leaving love behind...That's a different story but it doens't really fit in now plus I'm not too eager to talk about that topic really -_-

On the other hand tho I'd really,really love to go away from here.
Even tho it might just be for 3 months.
I met Flo (a good friend I'm working with) in town earlier on and we got talking about jobs and stuff as well.And he knows how much I love Ireland & all that.
He was like "If you don't want to move over there permanently.Why don't you just go & look for a job for just a couple of months? You'll have something where you're happy at plus you got a few month of extra time to look for something else here in Germany."
And he is probably even right. But I don't know if it's possible to get a proper job over there for only a few month.I will have to look that up & even IF.I'm not sure if I'd dare to :/

Enough of whining and weeping.
Gotta work tomorrow hell yeah! but unfortunately I'm not tired yet.
I'll just browse the net & LJ and have a look at some pictures of todays game.
Admire the prettiness that is our team ♥
And enjoy happy!Biebstuber celebrating his goal once again haha Oh baby you make me one happy and proud Momma xD
No seriously.
I was watching the game with my Mam & Da and I was like "I swear! Holger will score tonight.Just wait!" all the time haha
He scored! xD
You wouldn't believe how excited I was xD I was giggling like a mad one & saying "SAW THAT ?!?! I told you so!! Oh Biebstuber...♥..." again and again haha
Later on my brother was like "Why the heck are you calling him Biebstuber all the time?!"
Me: "But...that's his name,no?!" o_O
Bad thing is,I was seriously thinking I was right for a moment haha
Oh Livejournal / netspeak...what are you doing to me?! xD
Luckily my family already got used to me calling Manu Neuer "duckie" cos I already did that before it was fashion here in LJ ;)

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